Fwd: Fw: RED NECK PHOTO ALBUM-READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

---------- Forwarded message ---------- From: George <> Date: Aug 24, 2005 9:38 PM Subject: Re: Fw: RED NECK PHOTO ALBUM-READ AT YOUR OWN RISK To: don <>

In our never ending quest for sources and a misguided effort to facilitate the efficient use of bandwidth, especially for our friends still on dialup we offer the following

Red Neck Photo Album

which appears to be the source of the photos. The complete site is just amazing though I will warn you it's a big home page, on dialup it takes minutes to load. Thanks Stacy for a great lead. I've posted the link on Fwd:Fwd:Fwd: -- George

Re: Fw: Great Comeback

Posted on Fwd:Fwd:Fwd:, outstanding, Thank You!

On 8/20/05, George wrote:

Best indeed! ---------- Forwarded message ---------- From: don

Date: Aug 19, 2005 6:41 AM Subject: Fw: Great Comeback To: Bioniclady

This pearl from Ed provides unity to our national pleasures, by expanding what i had always taken as a Southern sport involving good lads in Mississippi watermelon fields and true love, 'tis reassuring to know that our Northern cousins enjoy similar delights in veggie/fruity love practices. Northerners can even cook afterwards - No wonder they won The Wah and have had peculiar politics ever since. Excellent rendition even tho haven't verified accuracy of this particular account.

don

----- Original Message -----

From:

To:

Sent: Tuesday, August 16, 2005 3:53 PM

Subject: Fw: Great Comeback

----- Original Message -----

From:

To:

Sent: Wednesday, August 10, 2005 10:38 PM

Subject: Great Comeback

Subject: Best comeback Line This was in the Washington Post ... the title of the article was Best Comeback Line Ever." In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula , GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday. The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his need. "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' "He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said...... " A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?'

-- George

Fwd: Fw: Great Comeback

Best indeed!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: don

Date: Aug 19, 2005 6:41 AM
Subject: Fw: Great Comeback
To: Bioniclady

 

    This pearl from Ed provides unity to our national pleasures, by expanding what i had always taken as a Southern sport involving good lads in Mississippi watermelon fields and true love, 'tis reassuring to know that our Northern cousins enjoy similar delights in veggie/fruity love practices.  Northerners can even cook afterwards - No wonder they won The Wah and have had peculiar politics ever since.  Excellent rendition even tho haven't verified accuracy of this particular account.

 

        don

----- Original Message -----

From:

To:

Sent: Tuesday, August 16, 2005 3:53 PM

Subject: Fw: Great Comeback

 

 

----- Original Message -----

From:

To:

Sent: Wednesday, August 10, 2005 10:38 PM

Subject: Great Comeback

 

 Subject: Best comeback Line

This was in the Washington Post ...  the title of the article was
Best Comeback Line  Ever."

 In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a  22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula , GA, in a pumpkin patch at  11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious  behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett   County
 courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as  he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin  is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles.  At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone  interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the  side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his need. "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to  notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his  audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's...just working away at this  pumpkin."  Taylor went on to describe what happened when she  approached Lawrence.
 
I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you  realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' "He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and  said......

" A  pumpkin?                Damn...is it midnight already?'

Alexander Fleming, good news travels fast

I have received a number of emails lately with this text below or something similar. The site this text is taken from, CharityGuide.org, had the nicest presentation of the material

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to eke out a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself.

Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death. The next day a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings ... -read more-

CharityGuide.org also got extra credit for linking to the best of the Churchill sites, The Churchill Centre, with

Leading Churchill Myths

Fleming saved him from Drowning

Bravo! CharityGuide.org, good work.

Fwd: The Honeymoon

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Bioniclady
Date: Aug 9, 2005 11:59 PM
Subject: The Honeymoon
To: aaaa@yahoo.com, aaaa@tidel.com, aaaa@enscous.com, aaaa@enscous.com, ....
Subject: The Honeymoon
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin -- in every way." The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week. He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together ... an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched these. He immediately drops his pants and replies. "Look at this, .. still in the CRATE!"

Are you a Democrat, Republican, or Southern Republican ???

Politically Incorrect (but true!)

Are you a Democrat, Republican, or Southern Republican ???

Here is a little test that will help you decide . . .

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges!

You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do??

Democrat's Answer:

• Does the man look poor or oppressed?
• Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
• Could we run away?
• What does my wife think?
• What about the kids?
• Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
• What does the law say about this situation?
• Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
• Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
• If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
• Should I call 9-1-1?
• Why is this street so deserted?
• We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
• This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

Republican's Answer:

• BANG!

Southern Republican's Answer:

• BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
• click . . . (the sounds of new magazine being loaded)
• BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
• click . . .
• Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy. Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or did you use the hollow points?"

Thanks again to Don, who forwards and forwards, more than we can post.

Just in!

Fw: JUST IN!!!2 messages don Wed, Aug 3, 2005 at 8:55 PM To: a---------- And another slice of political insight from one of our former metallographers. don ----- Original Message ----- From: M---------- To: A------ ; B------ ; D------ Sent: Wednesday, August 03, 2005 7:14 PM Subject: FW: JUST IN!!! -----Original Message-----From: Doug/D------ Sent: Wednesday, August 03, 2005 10:17 AMTo: Undisclosed-Recipient:;Subject: JUST IN!!! All of the evidence is not in, but it appears that Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has admitted in a recent press conference that she slept with former President Bill Clinton. Will send details when they become available; all I have now is the photo shown below.........